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    Friday, April 04, 2008

    Mutant Boobs

    These things I bear upon my chest have almost always been a hindrance to me. When they first sprouted, they were only slightly annoying. Like most girls, the dismay at my body growing cushy things that were easily damaged was tempered by the excitement of showing physical signs of adulthood.

    But they continued to grow.

    At my first brassiere fitting at the age of 11, the assistant informed me that if they grew any more, I would fall over onto my face.

    And still they grew.

    At 14, I couldn't wear a two-piece swimsuit because I wore a sz 14 top, and a sz 9 bottoms. They don't make suits like that, so I spent most of my teen years wearing a one-piece that was a little loose on the bottom and way too tight on the top.

    I needed a new restraint device for them recently, and when I couldn't find something that fit comfortably and gave me the support I desired at "regular" stores, a friend told me about a local lingerie shop that specialized in odd sizes.

    So I went.

    Now, you all know that I've been loosing a lot of weight as of late, so I had no real idea what my size was, but the tape measure said I was a completely outrageous size. The saleswoman at the specialty shop got it right however, nearly at first glance.

    I had been wearing a 42DD, and 38DDD because those fit the best of the ones I could find elsewhere, but she brought me a 40F! After a few different styles, we found one with the right cup style and comfort level.

    She suggested I only buy one, and continue to also wear the slightly-too-large-around-the-ribs one I had, but set to the tightest setting, as with the speed of my losses, I would likely be buying a new bra within a month or two anyway.

    Finally, I have a bra that fits, unlike over 80% if women who don't wear the right size. I'm finally comfortable and supported..

    But a 40F!!!???!!!

    If my chest has it's way, I'll never fit into anything below a size 16, just because of them.

    Next suit I buy, I'll have to go to a seamstress and have it properly fitted to fit the other parts of my body correctly.

    I'm not even going to start on how I'm too short to fit into most slacks. *laugh*

    Danged mutant boobs.


    Anonymous said...

    I would never in my lifetime have written about this!!!
    You now have a new nick name but I will never say it!

    That first sales lady was mean to say that to a kid!

    ps I am blushing but will survive

    Whimspiration said...


    I know you wouldn't have, but you are a beautiful and innocent flower of a woman. I have never been exceedingly shy, and my blog has been suffering from lack of good humor for a while.

    Honestly, I was mortified when that first sales lady said that to me. For months, I imagined myself to be like Barbie, snapping at the waist if she were real from the sheer weight of her breasts. I finally got over it, obviously. *chuckle*

    I knew you would likely blush, but it was too funny not to share.

    Andrea R. said...

    Boo Hoo.

    - from your Almost A friend.