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    Tuesday, March 27, 2007

    A Journey

    There is a glassy sort of shine that comes to a person's eyes when they know they are about to die.

    I stood by my grandfather for a long time, stroking his head, holding him close in my heart and praying with him. I told him how much I love him, that I supported his wish to die, and I encouraged him to let go of his now-torturous shell in order to begin his journey home.

    There were many spirits in the room with we three who were still wearing bodies. His son was there, his parents, and some others. They helped me to calm him and ease his worry a bit.

    Every time he looked at me, he looked me in the eye, and seemed surprised to see me there, guiding him through his pain, tears streaming unfettered down my face. I think he finally recognised all that I truly am in those last moments we spent together.

    He fell asleep to the lullaby of his first morphine injection at about 9pm on the 23rd while I was holding his hand, and my mother stroked his hair. We saw him off to peace together.

    Now, several days later, he still suffers, and his condition has worsened. If he were a dog, mercy would have been swift, but he speaks the human tongue, so still he lives, if you call this inability to brathe, drink, eat or void waste living. I can't even imagine the degree of his suffering, and it nauseates me to know that as Americans, we have less respect for our aged than we do for our pets. I know not what will be the final blow to his already overworked and weakened body. The low blood pressure, the kidney failure, the low oxygen content in his blood, or the newly-acquired pneumonia. We stopped by the hospital again today, and I showed my support for my grandmother in her time of need, then spoke with my mother for a while.

    1 comment:

    Panda said...

    Many many times I have wondered the same thing. Why do he stop the suffering of animals but force our selfs and loved ones to suffer?

    At the same time i always want to keep hoping and fighting for life. There is always a small Hope in the back of my mind that who ever is suffering will recover and live many more years. Im guessing that many people thin that way.

    But friends and family shouldnt be kept in pain for there loved ones, they should have the choice to keep fighting, even if it is a losing battle, or to let go, even if it means having someone help them.