Snyde Reveiws of Products I've Never Even Seen in Person

I saw a commercial on TV today, an unusual occurrence in its own right, and saw a new toy advertised.

There's a new dolly to outshine all other dollies. While Barbie in all her nauseatingly pink glory is scooping pretend dog doo(that doubles as doggy treats, eew!), toymakers have decided that synthetic friends are the best friends. Introducing "Amazing Allysen". She has an articulated animatronic face, voice recognition, and sensory technology. Fully interactive, this toy comes with items she can "interact" with. The company says that spending "endless hours" alone in your room playing and socializing with an enhanced furby is "lifelike, nurturing play" Whoo boy howdy, that's a doozey! The Allysen doll is described as "a child's best friend" and comes in both Caucasian and "Ethnic" (because the only ethnicity out there is African, right?) *rolls eyes* Just once I want to see "ethnic" portrayed as Hispanic, Jewish, Indian, or Native American, Ya know what I mean?

Of course, if your little angel isn't quite ready for the advanced nature of sharing ringtones and chatting with a peice of plastic that operates on AA batteries, there is another choice! That's right, it's never too early to spoil your child rotten and infect them with affleunza and social disorders of the most vicious type early on! Don't wait, you can buy your younger children the ever popular "Ethnic" or the usual Arian coloration you see everywhere in the "Amazing Amanda" dolly! She isn't much different than her older sister in her electronics. Holding conversations while she is on the potty (because we want to encourage our children to walk in on us while we're "indisposed" right?) and pretending to eat are her claims to fame.

Act now and you can destroy all hope of creativity from your child now! Only $99.99 Order now and you can have your child's problem solving skill destroyer wrapped and ready for the holidays early! Listen to your mother and do the sensible thing. Beat the holiday rush and the huge January credit card bills and buy NOW! *gag*

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