Preteen

How is it that the more freedom you give a child over their own life, the more they resent both you personally and the small restrictions and responsibilities they have?

Ladybug could not grasp the concept of "Turn off the TV". *sigh* I don't enjoy watching the same thing over and over so after the fourth run of one video & the second run of the next, I told the girls to shut off the television. Not too hard right? It took 5 minutes for Ladybug to do as I asked. Jumping and doing a frightened dance every time I gave her the directive instead of just doing it. Practically every time we tell her to do something she jumps like we're going to hit her. We don't hit our kids, so I have no clue where this comes from.

She gets to make all of her own decisions regarding clothing, food, cooking, when she does her chores during the day, what she studies, how she plays, what activities outside the home she wants to participate in, when she wakes up in the morning, how her bedroom is arranged and more. She has a set time to go to her room for bed each night, but usually dosen't get to sleep until much later. *shrug* I must be doing something wrong for her to resent me so much, but for the life of me I can't see what. I keep her safe, clothed, and fed, give her love & the freedom to think for herself.

Sometimes I curse myself for letting my mother raise her when I was mentally unstable. At this point I'm sure I could have done a better job even under the medication I was on while I recovered from my mental breakdown. I think that time has ruined her for life with all of the screaming and noone understanding her that she went through. I wish I could go back and change it, not make the decision to give her up because I was loosing my mind, but I honestly thought it was the best decision for her well-being. Ladybug has been back in my home for over 4 years now, and things just seem to getting worse all of the time.

When Ladybug first came back home, she was so grateful to be away from my mother and out of public school that she was nigh perfectly behaved. Now, years later, she thinks that loading the dishwasher is not only a horrid task, but also "too easy", digging up grass so that we can plant pretty flowers is some sort of wartime torture, and playing neopets is a rewarding learning activity. She cannot seem to keep a promise, do a job, or respect her parents unless money or her own personal fun is at stake if she dosen't. We're not into bribery, and I'm definitely not into punishing myself by not going to an event that I enjoy so that she can't have fun. We don't do spanking, we try not to do punishments (only repurcussions), but when it gets like this it is really hard for us all.

I've read every parenting book I could get my hands on, and the only thing I can think of now is to send her off to prison (public school) so that maybe she will appreciate the freedom she has here when she comes home from being watched constantly, given no choices, and told not to think. I don't want to punish her like that, but I feel like it is my only option at this time.

Is her life too good? Is she trying to punish herself for something? Does she have some sort of self-esteem issue hiding where we cannot see it? Other than being constantly defiant, she is a happy, well-adjusted child. Holds intelligent conversations with adults in nearly any subject, is polite, well-spoken, logical, friendly, open-minded, loves crafts and cuddles. I've even been told that she is one of the best behaved, expressive, free children some people have ever met. She's a really good kid. I just don't understand this. *sigh* Do I need to make my home into a military academy? Does she have too much freedom for her age? Am I doing something wrong? I'd love some advice.