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    Tuesday, November 28, 2006

    I don't really know what to say

    See, when things are going good, and I mean REALLY good, I'm always afraid that if I share the news, something will happen to set it all into a downward spiral.

    I have spent the last few days waiting for the other shoe to drop.

    But I wonder too; is it just my aprehension that makes the positivity stop, or is it the simple cycle of things? When the world is so very beautiful and bright that it almost hurts to look at it directly, is it my perception or just that chance has decided to smile upon me in the same abundance, just this once, that it tears me down at other times? Have I finally put up with enough pain, and given enough joy to be able to reap my rewards? Is this turn for the better permanent?

    Now I don't expect things to ever be perfect (they are still far from that now), but will this level of blissfull imperfection continue? I know I deserve this joy, these small breaks and simple pleasures that mean so much to me, so that is not the question. The question is 'how long will this last?'

    Should I work myself to death in the hopes that this positive streak will continue until I get it all done? Should I just work at my usual pace and cherish my children and the good times the family is having right now? If I do work hard to get my current goals reached, will I die soon afterwards? (I've always said that I have too much work to do, and I won't die until it is all finished)

    I was raised with negativity and bad luck. I know nothing else as a constant. Horses will run back into a flaming barn because they are frightened and the barn is their "safe place", only to burn and die. We are, as beings, so afraid of change that we would harm ourselves to avoid even positive movement.

    Is all my fear just the simple fear of change? Will I concoiusly make my life worse just to escape the beauty in my life at this moment? For the sake of being comfortable in what I am used to? I know I should be rejoycing in the blessings and good fortune that have been bestowed upon myself and my family, but I can't stop looking over my shoulder.

    How do you handle unexpected joy?



    Andrea said...

    Did you win the lottery or something?

    Kimberly K said...

    It's easy to find the negative when you're looking for it.

    Enjoy the good now, stop waiting for the other shoe to drop, thats what makes the joy disappear so quickly, you're looking for a way to get out of it.

    Sue said...

    I used to be just like this! Then I learned to focus on the positive. Focusing on the negative can actually bring it into being. The Word of God says to bring every thought that exalts itself against God is to be brought into captivity. God loves you and wants to bless you. Learn to be thankful for the blessings.

    Nanci B. said...

    You need to enjoy the joy for as long as it lasts whether it is permanent or temporary. Too much negativity will surely put the kibosh on anything good.

    Marilyn said...

    I handle unexpected joy with happiness and gratitude for however long it lasts!

    moosie said...

    wow that is deep. all i have to say that i can put into words, is moo with the bad and ribbit with the good. think like a moose and you will understand.

    Heather said...

    PLease tell us the unexpected joy?!!
    Also, I'm always apprehensive too. Reading some of your words reminded me of myself. That's what faith is all about. Believeing in things not seen. It seems as though we have different beliefs, but I feel that there is a plan and if we follow the path we are supposed to, we will be blessed with the rewards from it. Other times we are tested and we get let down, but it's faith that keeps us working towards those goals that we know we can achive and will be rewarded for. SO.... PLEASE tell us!!!!!!

    Ric said...

    Each moment of our life is truly just that, a moment. Our perceptions define this moment. Our perceptions help define this moment for others around us. It is our perceptions that give us our understanding of the moment. And its our perceptions that allow us to feel the moment.

    Positive and negatives are the dichotomious sides of the same stick. Each taking its turn for random amounts of time. The true test of us, as people infested with life, is how we stand up to these pressures.

    Your recent exposure to the longer end of the positivity stick makes you shudder because of Newtons Laws. Perhaps you are rightful in that, such discussion gets into things we should not at this moment (religion, politics, etc), however, should you chose this moment to be wary, to allow tension to increase in your life, because of the positivity, you would negate the good. Does this not create the counterbalance in itself?

    You know my history. You know many of the moments in my life are not filled to brimming with the positive side of that stick. I try to take each moment, whether good or bad, positive or negative, lucrative or disasterous, calm or chaotic and seize it for all that I can. Only then can I ensure I am doing the best that I can to ensure that the moments for my Family, Friends, and those who I have yet to meet are as positive as can be.

    T said...

    I handle it by just accepting it when it's happening and HOPE
    that it doesn't end too soon. I think you should continue at a pace that is most comfortable, yet challenging to you, enjoy your
    children and smell the roses. I think life is a marathon, NOT a
    sprint. *hug*

    layla said...

    whatever you focus on expands so focus on the good