King Size White Sheets

Seeking white flat sheets, king size. The landlord came to do the inspection, and she wants me to take down the bubble wrap off the windows because "It looks bad". I think it's pretty and makes the windows look like they are made with or covered in a decorative glass coating, but whatev. Also, I don't want higher utility bills, these windows leak like a sieve! This is why I need the white sheets, if I hang them in the windows, they will still let light in, but block the ability of anyone to see in (or see that I have bubble wrap in the windows) So white sheet, bubble wrap, plastic wrap, the window covering that came with the place, and finally, my curtains. Sorry, she can say it's ugly all she wants, but I'm not having my utility bill go up by $80+ a month, just to satisfy her personal aesthetic preferences. She also told me that they were planning to have the windows and doors all replaced, and she'd put me 4th down on the list to get mine done. (not as promising as it sounds, because I still haven't had my busted door frames replaced/repaired, nor anything else that might cost more than $5 to fix, and I had to replace the latch-plate on my bedroom door myself because it wouldn't stay closed. But hey, it sounds nice... even though it is probably a bald-faced lie).

The inspection that was done today wasn't so much an inspection as it was "I want to stick my head into every room in your house to make sure you are living how I think you should live, and this had nothing to do with maintenance at all, even though I told you that it did. Even though you are a great tenant who never causes trouble, isn't loud, gets along great with the neighbors, reports trouble when you see it, and always pays your rent on time, I don't trust you and I think you are doing something wrong or illegal in that apartment, so I am going to (barely) legally find a way to spy on you". Very not happy AT ALL with this bullshit.

So she's working on writing up a lease renewal for me, and sometime next week, I'll be looking for the owner's name and contact information so that I can call him about her. I don't know if this is some sort of discrimination based on my hairstyle, the fact that I sleep days and work nights, or she's just this insane to everyone, but it's wrong and unprofessional, and I won't stand for it.

I am very much not pleased, and as soon as I can save up to get a down payment on my own home, I am applying for a loan and getting the freak out of anything that belongs to anyone else, ever again! I am sick and freaking tired of this crap that I get from landlords all the time. I settle in, and they all want more money, or to start telling me how to live, or to invade my privacy, or to offer me a "better" place in some other property so they can make more money off of college kids renting my current location, or some other such nonsense. I'm also sick of my money going to make other people rich. But for now, I'll have to make do with saving up as much as I can to move into a different place, and doing just that, as soon as the growing season is over.

Passive-Aggressive Landlord Notes

Got a letter on my door from my landlord today stating that they were not going to renew my lease, and I needed to be out of my apartment by the end of next month. The letter said that this was based on the fact that I did not allow them into my house when I was asleep (Didn't want them waking me up) to change the filters, and instead did it myself instead. Seems they needed to do an "inspection" after they bought the place, and I "refused", so I need to get the feck out.

I can't afford to move on short notice, I don't make that much money in a month! Deposit, first month rent, moving van rental, gas fees, utility and internet transfer fees, and so much more, plus the fact that I just fnally almost finished unpacking from the last move! (I am REALLY busy)... Talk about starting a panic attack! ((0.o))

After taking a few minutes to compose myself (not calm down, just be able to act calm-ish), I went to the landlord and asked them what I did wrong that they wanted me to no longer be their tenant. Come to find out, this note is like the other over-the-top passive-aggressive notes that the landlord hands out (Like the angry one to pet-owners, complete with a few sentences in all caps and bold, that went out to everyone, whether they had a pet or not), and the (much more reasonable than usual) note at the pool (pictured above).

What they meant to say instead of "The landlord does not intend to renew your lease..." and "If you fail to vacate the premises by the above date, the landlord will commence eviction proceedings against you..." was "We were wondering what you planned to do at the end of your lease. Did you want to renew?". But somehow, copying the lease I signed, and highlighting the part of it that I supposedly infracted (I didn't break the lease, this was just intimidation), then writing about my "refusal of inspection" on the "Notice of lease expiration" form seemed to the landlord to be the right thing to do at the time.

Why in the bloody hells, the landlord chose this form, I have no flaming clue. From what I have come to understand after a visit to the office is that the landlord just grabbed the closest document that looked like it might do the job, and used that instead of writing a quick note or dropping me a phone call about the subject like a sensible human being.

I really like it here. The location is nice, the grounds are well-kept, and it's like going back in time to when people talked to eachother, and neighbors were actually neighborly! If it weren't for the exceedingly bizarre (read passive-aggressive, unstable, frightening, and nearly-sociopathic) way that the landlord often communicates, this would be a damned-near perfect place to live.

But I'm not getting kicked out or asked to leave, according to the landlord's assistant. I just need to let them into my house for an inspection. They are doing some inspections tomorrow, so they'll drop in after they are done with those, and do mine, in the morning... ACK! Time to shove the clutter into boxes like, NOW!

It's still panic, and I still might be asked to leave, but this way I have a chance to fight for the right to stay put for another year (or at least until I find something better and can save up to move).

ADHD & Invisible Illnesses

I liked what I thought was a good and useful page on Facebook a bit ago. Then I followed a link on that page to their website, and discovered that they are prejudiced and ignorant. If you like Stop Workplace Drama, and aren't the type of person who tells people that they are faking if they have a disability that you can not see, you should probably un-like them right now. If it sickens you when you see others doing it, then you definitely need to un-like them.

What set me off, you might wonder? Well it was this post: http://stopworkplacedrama.com/become-a-creator/destruction-and-distractions-keep-you-from-creating-what-you-want/ I thought it might be helpful, and contain real and helpful advice, but instead, it called me names and insulted me and thousands of others. Below is what I wrote as a comment on their post.

"Seriously? You wrote ADHD, a serious, and often debilitating neurological disorder, on your list of "justifications" and "labels" to "excuse" distracted "behaviors" along with all the things that can be overcome with willpower or the desire to succeed? I liked your page on Facebook because it had some good wisdom on it. But now I know you are one of those ill-informed people who thinks that ADHD, and the torture it causes in my personal day to day life, is some sort of fake little pretend excuse for not facing my challenges. I assure you, I have more challenges than you will ever guess, and my willpower and desire to succeed is beyond measure. I work constantly towards my goals, from waking until bed, and sometimes I forget to eat or sleep because I am so devoted to my work. Saying that this disease doesn't exist proves that you are prejudiced against those of us with this invisible disability. I have changed my mind about both you, and your page. Good day to you."

Needless to say, I am quite irate. This is the second time in as many weeks that I have encountered this type of bigotry. And the first time, it was from a woman with fibromyalgia! You'd think she'd know about the discrimination those with invisible illnesses are subjected to, and not spread the prejudice around, especially since my disease can actually be tracked in a brain scan and hers is the result of a subjective test and a bunch of doctors saying they have no clue what's going on! (For the record, I know fibro is real, and no I don't have it. I don't have to have it or know how it works to know that my friends and family are NOT lying, whiny attention-seekers, making excuses for laziness. -That is what the ignorant say about fibro patients-) I am simply making a highly accurate comparative example.

But I digress. There are well-educated people out there who are so willfully ignorant on the topic that they think that decades of clinical research and documented scientific evidence are completely false. These people think that I and the hundreds of thousands of others with ADHD are crazy, stupid, and lazy. They might not use those words exactly, but that is what many of us grew up hearing. We were put in learning disabled and remedial classes, asked why we weren't "applying ourselves", ostracized by our peers, and degraded at every turn by the very people who were supposed to be teaching us and helping us grow into responsible adults. In fact, this type of treatment is so very common, a book was written about it! "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder"

The next time you see or hear some person speaking ill of someone plagued by an invisible illness, disease, or disability, or even just the ailment itself, speak out, take action, educate and make the truth heard. Because the next time an ignorant person speaks badly about it, they might hurt someone you care about. Even worse (for them), they might say it where I can hear. With all I've written here, you can imagine how clearly I might chose to educate someone who says that I or someone that I love is a lazy waste of air to my face.

Anger & Discrimination

So the first place I go with my dog after I get the service dog prescription, and can officially (ie: legally) say that she is a service dog in training (SDIT), I get rudely attacked.

You would think that people could have a modicum of politeness. The sad part about it is that it was at a friend's house, and I had taken her over there twice before. If they had had a problem with me bringing her over there, you would think that they would have said something prior to me coming over again at our regularly scheduled time. Instead, they waited for me to arrive, then had their [*redacted] roommate bite my head off about her.

As I was packing up to leave the stressful situation, (a common and positive technique to avoid conflict), he chased after me in order to continue accosting me, while becoming increasingly aggressive. That didn't help matters at all. It took me less than a minute to get myself out of the house, but by that time, I had already been sent into a PTSD episode/panic attack. The worst part is that the residents of that house KNEW that I am training her as a service dog, AND that I had been in the process of getting a prescription for her. (I don't know if they knew that I had gotten the prescription yet or not, but that doesn't matter when all things are considered.)

Should I have told them that I had gotten the prescription when I got it? Maybe, but it's not a legal requirement to show anyone the prescription for a service animal unless you are in court, or renting a housing unit of some sort. Should I have asked if I could bring her with me the second and third time I brought her over instead of just the first time, and assuming it would be okay henceforth? I can see how verifying before every visit would have been more mannerly of me, but asking the same question over and over every week is annoying, even to those being asked. (These folks have said as much to me about other topics)

Maybe I should thank the [*redacted] for triggering an episode and helping me to train her faster. Maybe I should thank him for being so outright caustic the first time he blew up, that I am incapable of thinking it was a one-off event that might not happen again (thus saving me for being forced to endure future events of this type). Maybe I should be happy that I have another day of my schedule free to do other things. But I won't, and I'm not.

I never liked this person anyway, something about him has always put me on edge and made me very uncomfortable. But I didn't say anything about it, because I try my best to be polite. He may be [*redacted], but it's their house, their lives, and none of my business who they chose to let live with them. So I kept my trap shut, and endured the discomfort I felt when he was in the same room with us during our weekly events. Their house, not my place to get involved in their private matters, period.

If this had happened in a public place after her training was complete, it would be a prosecutable breach of federal law. Instead, I guess I'll just never go over there again.

I was in the process of recovering from a suicidal depression when this happened, and now it's worse than it was before, because now I have lost a friend, maybe two, plus one of the regular social events that I come to rely on in order to keep myself relatively stable.

I never thought that having a service dog would cause me to be more disabled. Especially not disabilities thrust upon me by the housemates of those I once thought I could call friend.

An alert to all: As I do have a prescription for her, and she will soon be a fully trained service dog, I will not be going anywhere without her. This is part of her training, as she must learn to avoid distraction in any situation. If this is a problem with any future events or gatherings, please let me know so that I can plan to sit at home alone and not attend. Simply write "Service dogs not welcome" somewhere in your event description.

*Redacted: Edited for publication, or for legal or privacy's sake. (two strings of text were removed in order to be polite, though no cursing or foul language was present, and one string of text was removed in order to protect the privacy of others)

[Edit] It has come to may attention that the issue had little to nothing to do with my SDIT, nor my bringing her over, but that she and I just happened to be a convenient target for the roomate's frustration over some other event. This in no way makes things better, but it bears mentioning in order to provide a complete and accurate representation of the events discussed here.

Also, two of my friends from that home have verified that they have no intention to stop being my friend. Happy thoughts, even in tough times,

Depression, ADHD, & My Dog

I have been in a severe depression for about a month now. Sure, there have been periods of happiness, joy, distraction. But I am worn thin, downtrodden, sometimes suicidal. I haven't said this to anyone because I don't want or need sympathy. There is very little, if anything that can be done about it, so I have just been trudging onward. Like Churchill said 'When you are going through hell, keep going'.

My physical ailments have been getting worse again, and I have so little energy that my house is rapidly becoming more of a disorganized clutterbox. My Air conditioner doesn't work at all, so I have been using fans to stay cool. I can't call my landlord to fix it, because my house isn't presentable, and I have no energy or motivation to fix it myself.

I am out of money again, and the month is only half-over. But getting the food, medical care, and everything else worked out for my new service dog is expensive. It would also help if I remembered to pay ALL of my bills EVERY month instead of forgetting them and needing to make double payments every other month or so. *sigh*

I went to the doctor last week, and he changed my prescription again. He dropped my dosage of one of my ADHD meds because it was having an adverse effect on my concentration and mood. I just wish I could get something that worked and didn't cost an arm and a leg. The ability to be on time for things, concentrate on topics that don't interest me, and remember, well remember anything at all with any reliability, would be a true godsend.

The only really good thing that has come out of the last week is that while I was at the doctor's, he gave me a prescription for a service dog. Now that I have the paperwork to back me up, I can keep this dog, and train her in more places, so that she will learn all of the skills necessary to be a proper service dog. Public exposure with lots of distractions around is necessary for training the focus-on-handler and ignoring distraction that all service dogs must have.

Well, the prescription, and the fact that now that I have her on a better dog food, with a morning yogurt supplement, her gas smells like cabbage again instead of nauseatingly nasty stinking dog farts that chase you out of the room.